Today is International Women’s Day and it seems timely to publish something about a topic that I’ve been wrestling with all of my life, but that I’ve been thinking about deeply for a few weeks. Doing science as a woman is tricky business due to the societal and cultural constraints on what constitutes appropriate and professional behaviour in academic settings. These rules aren’t written down anywhere and often the only way that you find out that you’ve violated them is by being told (explicitly or implicitly) that you’ve behaved inappropriately.
I’d like to start by challenging these rules and to suggest that they are not correct. I believe that there are many ways to be a scientist and to do science and that showing strong emotions can be appropriate and professional. We are people first and scientists second. Emotions are not a minor inconvenience that should be supressed at every turn; they often serve as warnings that something is not right with our world.
I’d also like to unpack the gendered lenses that we all use to view the emotions of others. Single emotions do not belong to only one gender. Women are not the only people who experience sadness; men are not the only people who experience joy. The scientific enterprise is full of moments of various emotions, and I would argue that these emotions are not good or bad, appropriate or inappropriate, professional or unprofessional.
I think what matters is not so much the emotions themselves, but what we choose to do in response to them. I have also recently realized that I am not responsible for managing the emotions of other people and I refuse to bear that burden any longer.
Many times in my career I have been an angry woman. This is natural and fine. It is not an inherently bad thing that I need to be ashamed of. I am allowed to feel, experience, and embrace my anger. That anger has allowed me to do great things in the face of adversity. Anger has permitted me to speak my truths. Anger has enabled me to right some wrongs and to help other people when I have identified injustice and discrimination. If I’m angry, believe that I have good reasons for being so.
I do not need to be tone-policed, mansplained, put in my place, given “friendly” career advice, or concern trolled. I am not in fact uppity, bitter, man-hating, or need to be told I can catch more flies with honey. I’m good.